Strong, Silent, Mysterious and Quirky!

My Strong Silent Mysterious Man took me on a date night to the Temple last night.

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It was the BEST, mostly because it was his idea, and he made all of the effort to schedule his time around work to make it happen. I forgot my camera, but he was really willing to do a self portrait when we got back to the house. But note... I could only take two pictures, they had to depict good shots of get this... his guitars, and after that he was done.

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Something funny I thought about last night, as we walked inside, it was really cold outside... it felt like it could snow and the air was damp, but it was not raining. I fell behind his stride, as I typically do and kept secretly hoping he would slow down and take my hand and be all romantic walking into the beautiful Temple where we were sealed for eternity. But the haunting conversations we have had over and over in the past of him telling me, "I can't walk that slow" kept knocking on the back of my mind. He thinks it is physically impossible to walk at the same pace I do... so in almost every situation he is paces ahead of me. And really I have kind of long legs and a long stride, and don't walk as slow as someone of shorter proportions than me... so he totally must leave others in the dust. It is never a problem for the teenager, they walk at a simular rate... but that almost compounds my problem, leaving me to be a third wheel left to fall behind in most of the activities we do together. They both use the same disclaimer, but personally I still think it is hogwash! They could slow down if they wanted to! Slowing down is different than making your pace faster, you can only go soooo fast, but slowing down is not the same. You can go at a snails pace, if you wanted to. I did it all the time in the sixth grade depicting Jamie Sommers as the Bionic Woman when they accompanied her slow moving extra abilities with that ching, ching ching music! It's possible!!!

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Just something I drifted off in thought about... another pricess fairytale dream to have my eternal companion walk with me hand in hand into and out of the Temple. When a girl should just be counting her blessings that she has a prince charming to take her to the Temple, and that he is a worthy priesthood holder and honors the covenant and sanctity of marriage. All of which I am very very grateful, and so happy to have such a wonderful strong silent quirky mysterious man who loves me.

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It just goes to show, men are from mars and women... well some of us still dream in fairytales about our prince charmings... and I am so okay with that at this point in my life... I don't dwell on it, I love him for who and what he is. And I know that it is never too late to live "Happily Ever After" because I am living it, against all odds with the quirky, fast walking men in my life.

Survival is so sweet!

I don't know why I WORRY so much about teaching gospel principles to the youth! But when I am preparing it scares me TO PIECES!!

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I am worried about saying something wrong or worse not teaching doctrine. I stress about boring them. And fear a complete mutiny!

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None of which ever happens... in fact tonight was wonderful. My part of the lesson was much less than perfect, I was shaking and nervous and my mouth got really dry and I was choking and had to keep looking at my notes like they weren't really my thoughts (even though I spent ALL DAY LONG trying to put all of my thoughts onto paper so I could be more concise). But the girls are so loving and forgiving and they don't really judge me for all of those imperfections, they were just really kind, no banana or tomatoes were thrown at me, and...

I SURVIVED!!

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As is often the case, I learned so much more preparing for this time with them, than I could have EVER taught them.

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Heavenly Father is so sweet, He knows me, He loves me and He helps me to feel BeAuTIfuL, He teaches me and helps me to grow by stretching me but never ever leaves me alone, He helps me to find my courage, it was there all along, I just needed Him to help me find it!

Pull it together...

Ironically I am teaching part of a class to the young women for a youth group activity at church tonight on "Beauty the 411... inside and out". The ironic part is I am doing the INSIDE! You would think that all this work I have been doing on my own inner beauty would be preparation enough.

But I am panicking!!

I woke up this morning, with sooo many thoughts, I haven't been able to narrow them down to something managable. I have been pondering this subject for so long. That never happens that you get that much time to prepare... but in my overachieving efforts to help the youth have 3 months worth of calendar planned for youth group activities, I am living out my own punishment because they asked me to do this months ago! Pure torture, I tell you. Who knew "the inside" was such deep subject?

It's 1pm and I still look like a train wreck (but I do feel beautiful on the inside, smile).

I just have to pull it together and quit panicking!

Yeah... not surprising, no self portrait today :)

Recapturing Beauty wrap up; "the quiz"

I finished the 10 day challenge, and I am so glad I did it.

Some things I knew I had issues with, not too many surprises there. However, I did learn some new ways to think about my body, and feel more beautiful and ways to work on the image I have of myself. I learned to look at myself more through God's eyes. This is a process, I do believe that much of what we build our body image on is created over years and years and those habits and thoughts take time to change and redirect. I have been a few degrees off course for a while and that adds up over time when you don't pay attention to it and you can end up going in a totally different direction than you planned. So I am redirecting my navigation to get back on course... it will take some time to reach a correct heading.

But I feel like I am on better path and have a course direction and that just feels better.

It took me forever to take the final quiz. I don't know if I was afraid of the results or what, but I couldn't even look at it after I had gone through the 10 days. It kind of opened me up and I felt vulnerable, and I never test well, so it was intimidating for me. So I ignored it for a while. But tomorrow I will be talking to a class on inner beauty, so I thought I better finish what I started and see where I am with my journey.

I could have rigged my answers, it was multiple choice and I KNOW all the right answers (so I am relying on that knowledge to teach it), but I did try to answer them honestly and accurately to where I am at right now in my life.

I scored a 14... I hope I can take this again in a year and improve my score. But I do believe I am BeAUtiFuL!!

And I want to honor and respect the body that God has given me. I have thought about when I was faced with a decision and wanted to be an organ donor... it felt right and good. But I want to be able to donate healthy organs, that will continue to give life, not diseased troubled organs. And I want to develop the qualities that I see in others that make them beautiful to me, it is so often NOT on the outside! Searching the scriptures was a great way to find people just like that and learn of them and how they develop those Christlike attributes that make them beautiful! I want to keep learning and growing, from the inside out, changing my head and my heart and going in a direction that will honor the individual beauty God gave to just me! I am the only me there is!

Score 8 to 12:
It seems that your body image is in very poor shape. This is putting you at high risk of health problems like eating disorders or low self-esteem. If you feel depressed about your body, or if you start bingeing or fasting, it might be wise to get professional help.

Score 13 to 18:
Your body image seems a little shaky, and could do with some work. A negative body image develops over the course of your life, so changing it can take time and effort.

Score 19 to 24: Congratulations, it seems that you have a positive body image. Your healthy attitude is lowering your risk of problems like eating disorders. However, there’s always room for improvement - you can further strengthen your positive body image by reading up on body image issues.