Winter snuggle...

I caught these two snuggling! Rudy has been cold all winter, so he is resorting to letting the big dogs let him snuggle up to them. Yes, that is right... he is allowing them to love him. It is always his way; no highway option when he is around.

As a result, I think it is softening him and his nurturing instincts are coming alive!

He keeps cleaning their faces.... Morgan is really tolerant of him, but she does make gurgling sounds and grumbling noises... like she is really having to endure! She makes those same noises standing at the side of our bed when the teenager has sprawled out and she can't get in his bed at night. Like she is really trying to let us know, she is mistreated. She talks back and murmmers almost as much as the teenager these days, she has become really vocal.

It's so funny.

Taylor won't sit still this long like Morgan does, she will roll over and try to get him to play.. and lately he is feeling really spry; so it kind of works for her. Then it goes from a nurturing session to an all out rip roaring run through the house.

We just love our dogs!

Re-Entry...

Re Entry is a good way to imagine all of the many the challenges that occur when one of our family members has been pulled from the home and their regular course of living into a different lifestyle for a period of time, and then is thrown back into the regular course of living and all of the trials and adjustments for everyone that happens during the period of time afterward.

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We have experienced this in the past when I have gone to girls camp for a week at a time. Me, surrounded by girls all week, and teaching the gospel, and out in nature... and the boys with their freedom from Mom being here to enforce all the responsibilities of home.... totally different for both us, and then re entry back into our regular responsible course of living...

it is difficult for EVERYONE, and can be intense at times!

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There are many different worldly ways to understand Re Entry:

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Atmospheric reentry is the movement of human-made or natural objects as they enter the atmosphere of a planet from outer space, in the case of Earth from an altitude above the "edge of space". It involves high velocity, extreme heat, things will break off from the vehicle during re entry. It sounds really intense!

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There is also Prisoner Re Entry which involves the use of programs targeted at promoting the effective reintegration of offenders back to communities upon release from prison and jail. The process for them can involve re teaching of life skills needed to succeed in the community and become law-abiding citizens using tools like drug rehabilitation and vocational training, and work programs, and implements accountability. Very intense as well!

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Then have you ever heard of Wave Re Entry?

The "backside re-entry" in surfing is a fairly basic move, but it requires excellent timing and body positioning to be completed effectively and avoid severe injury. Extreme intensity!!

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I also heard about a program that teaches Re Entry from Study Abroad... I had never even thought of that! But having a friend that recently did this in England and returned... I could relate to the challenges that re entry would provoke. Going abroad and having a powerful experience and so much potential of great personal growth, mobilizing social skills and activating civil engagement, and all the enhancement for a future professional life and the knowledge you would gain in every aspect of your life from this kind of adventure... and then how to apply that back into the world you lived back home. More intense than I had even thought about!

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Depending on your perspective, Re Entry can mean different things, with different experiences, and challenges, and levels of difficulty and varying degrees of danger.

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But rest assured, we are living it here and now... and it is INTENSE!!!

A Sunday Drive...

Late Saturday night my strong silent mysterious man came home from another really long day working at the dam. And almost everyday since Dec 26th he has been on the roller coaster of almost being completed with the first generator install. And every day we rode the ride with him... from "we should be done by Thursday" to "we lost a day today, it will be another week" to "I have no idea when we will be done".

So I have really learned not to get my hopes up, that we could have him back any day, or not until June (okay that was never in the plans, but I have a tendency to over exaggerate!)

Late Saturday night, he comes home and says Sunday should be his last day... kind of? Okay that is tomorrow and that is really confusing?? What does that mean??

His boss has given him the morning off to go to church with his family!! YAY!!! We were really excited about that part. Next he got permission to bring his family up to take a tour inside the dam... Wow! We have to make that happen, it is once in a lifetime, and you don't just get to walk inside of a dam these days with security at the place it is now. So I have some responsibilities on Sundays that I would have to make some arrangements to have covered for me so we could leave right after church. I don't think it is a problem, but I will have to ask tomorrow.

The teenager was in the same situation, but he wasn't as confident that he could get someone to cover for him. Even when he asked the only one person that was actively attending meetings, he didn't feel like they would come back after church to attend an additional meeting that he was supposed to be conducting. We convinced him that others need the opportunity to step up to the plate, and as long as his leaders were aware, they could help shadow this youth and teach them how to take over. I have to say, I do love that he takes his church assignments so seriously... my heart swells. Especially when it was only a few short months ago that we were still fighting on Sunday mornings about what he would put on to wear to church... that is a whole other roller coaster!

So we were all able to go... and excited doesn't even begin to describe our emotions!!

It was really great to have "Dad" for the day!

On the way up we see some deer!

Well I should re-phrase it... my strong silent mysterious man can spot deer and elk now from 100 miles behind sage brush. Jacob and I do not have the same trained eyes, so he had to stop and give us binoculars to point out every deer we saw on the ride. He would explain the outline of their ears were at a different angle than anything else on the horizon... everything else is vertical or horizontal, but their ears have a 45 degree angle to them.

None of that helped me, but the more he would see, the more amazed we were at how really good he had gotten at spotting them.

Okay these guys really stick out on top there... but you can see how their color would blend in with everything around them. It is much trickier than it sounds.

The drive up was gorgeous...

The scenery was amazing... but I was surprised at how little snow there is.

The roads were really curvy, and super steep on my side, they became muddy and looked super slick, like one false move and and the entire vehicle could slip right off and plunge down into the icy waters below!

And they looked very icy!!

I was already fighting of the car sickness that hits me when we are driving on windy roads, turning left and right and left and right and left... oh puke! I just don't do curves well at all.

And if trying to hold back my shot nerves wasn't bad enough, he was doing this most of the time!! Watching for deer!!!

WHO IS WATCHING THIS CURVY STEEP ROAD AHEAD OF US BUT ME???

We finally arrived, safe and sound to the site. The pictures don't even do it justice... it is breathtakingly LARGE!!

We arrived at the gates and went through the check in process... getting our hard hats and bright orange vests. Which go with nothing in my wardrobe.
Radio down and wait for only one of the two supervisors that are certified with the government that have to be with you the entire time you are on site.

They lost a day once because one of the "Chinese guys" wandered off and was found by himself at the food trailer without a certified supervisor... they asked them all to leave, and the dust didn't settle from that until the following day. So they mean business.... I was kind of nervous I might touch something or step somewhere and be out of line and shut down the place.

I was trying to be on good behavior though.

This was a beautiful sight... driving across the top of the dam. I understand you won't be able to do this anymore at any dams before long... they are creating bridges now, so you don't drive on top of the actual dams. For security reasons I guess.

The light poles are cast iron and glass made in the early 1920's... Jim said he really wants one, and Jacob piped up from the back and said "your boss should give you one for working so hard up here". We chuckled at his loyalty to his Dad.

I couldn't take pictures inside... seems like the "golden child" was one of the few that got permission to do that. But it was really interesting!! And it was fun to see what and who he has been married to for the past 2 months.

Nobody could believe he actually got a day off, and he drove back up on his day off!

We loved being with him, and getting the full tour!

We could go right up to the edge and peek over if we wanted. I was good with 10 feet back, it was a million dollar view from the top.

Apparently when it snowed, the snow would build up the side of the slant on the dam. And when it warmed up the snow became heavier, and slid down the dam as it melted, and someone who wasn't an engineer had placed all the welding equipment on this landing and they came in one morning to all of this expensive equipment teetering on the side about to go over. So they had to spend the next day building guard rails.

It won't be next years Christmas card, but it was a once in a lifetime experience to go see all of this and go where few will ever go; and stand where millions of gallons of water will soon be filled.

The road back down was just as slick and curvy and scarry, but I was brave and tried not to be squimish and ruin the ride for the boys.

We (well Jim) saw a few more deer on the ride home...

We stopped so Jacob could practice his elk call... it was weak, keep practicing son.

Jim was disappointed because in the early and really late hours he normally is driving this road. He see's hundreds of animals and it is just usually too dark to get pictures, he just has a few. So he was hoping in the daylight to get some nice photo's... but the animals were bunkered down in other places.

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I got word Wednesday night that they are buttoning things up and will be turning on the 1st generator on Monday... and his boss told him he wanted him there for start up, but he could take the days off in between. I didn't believe it until he turned off the alarm this morning and is still sleeping in bed while I post.

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Yay! I am so excited for the next 4 days to have him all to myself.

I imagine the decompression process will be much like it is for me when I come back from a week at girls camp. But I am up for the challange!

We have missed him and are so happy to have him back for how ever long we get him!!

Ride along? Am I ready for the ride?

The teenager was out of school yesterday and went with one of the youth leaders in our church on a ride along.

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It is one of the longest periods he has stuck with a career choice... I kept thinking (and praying) this too would pass. But if he is really considering it... we decided he really needed to go out and see a glimpse of what it would involve.

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I just knew the paperwork part would detour him... but after I confirmed he had to endure a sufficient amount of that too... he was probably more excited about it that ever now. He didn't stop talking about it from the time he got home, until we forced him to go to bed.

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Like I have had deep inside all my life, I have always tried to help the teenager know about himself that he could do and accomplish anything he wanted in life. So I would never squish his dreams of enter the field of Law Enforcement. But I will admit that it scares me to death. And just like when I try and picture him as a missionary, when I try to picture him in a uniform... I cry heaps of tears... I just can't go there. But my heart fills with joy for him to reach his potential and find his stars.

Ramblings in my head...

I can't believe how far we are into January! I started out the year, really pondering goals and my word of the year and aspiring to new heights physically, spiritually, and emotionally this year. But I was very quickly bogged down by all of my thoughts with the lack of time to organize them into even a list of goals or even put them in any order, and that quickly begins to cause me to doubt my abilities and question whether I fall short because I set the bar too high and at unreasonable levels. But that drive deep inside me always tells me, I can do and accomplish ANYTHING!!!!

As a result of all of this going on inside my head, I remain dazed and confused allot of the time. And without the support of my husband around for my daily sounding board... well I have just been overwhelmed. Several friends told me I should wait for goal setting, and not try and tackle so much at one time. Maybe that is good advice.

So in the meantime, I am still trying on my word of the year for practice, sometimes it lifts me to higher levels, and sometimes I feel like I fall so short of it, that it would take me way more than a year to live up to it, so maybe it is one of those unreasonable expectations I put upon myself that I need to reconsider.

I wake up everyday with responsibilities, and things I need to accomplish, some things I would just like to do, and things I feel I NEED to do, and I always have the best of intentions to stay focused so I can accomplish the most, and do my very best at them. But inevitably, EVERYTHING seems to take longer. I think I will stop to do one quick little thing and 2 hours later, I am finally onto the next thing. What is that about? Am I just slow in my old age? Am I ADD and just distracted by any and everything along the way? Do I allow too many distractions? I still don't know the answer, and probably just short of writing down what I am doing in an hour by hour log, I might not. I am not sure I can commit to that just yet, so that is a problem I am less interested in finding a solution to at the moment.

Blogging... it has been a love/hate relationship for me lately. With all that is on my mind... to get it off my mind and write it down, might relieve some pressure. However, rambling... I hate rambling, I hate reading my rambling later (ramblings like this). But I love going back and remembering the moments, cherished moments in time I had forgotten about. The time to blog has been another issue for me.... I have just chosen to check email and get off the computer... other searching, checking, blogging, reading tends to distract me and I spend time that is probably not as quality for me as spending it reading my scriptures, taking care of my responsibilities in my home etc. Oh the balance game is tiring.

Putting myself first... guilt, what is it with the guilt? If I have to sacrifice something to put me first, I feel like I will be letting someone else down. In reality I am sure "someone else" doesn't even care!! I have no idea how to fix this, but I am sure my guilt meter is broken.

I am still such a work in progress! I have so many things I want to work on, to be better, to feel better, to know more, to live more! I don't even know where to start? In the meantime I keep plugging away, I am happy, I feel pressure at times, but I am not stressed. I don't like some of the things that I am stretched to do, but when I do them, I am blessed... and I grow from it! So I am growing allot lately!! I count my blessings, I know how very many I am receiving DAILY!! God loves me! He knows ME!! I don't feel alone, but I also don't think I have an understanding what HE wants from me in my life. I know I have great things to accomplish; I just have to get myself in alignment to receive direction for them. That alignment process is trickier than it sounds, but the steps are simple. I know the steps. I just have to keep taking them.

So today... one foot in front of the other!