Monday started out as a very normal day for me.
I even had visions of a special Christmas Family Night with my strong silent mysterious man reading the scriptures of Jesus birth.
But my dreams were very quickly squished and my nightmares began with an announcement from my man that he has seen a mouse in the kitchen.
WHAT????
WHY??????
WHERE DID HE COME FROM????
HOW DO WE HAVE A MOUSE????
WHAT IS HE DOING IN OUR HOUSE????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GET HIM OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After my brief mental breakdown, my man took charge (clearly I was in no frame of mind to deal with that information in any resemblance of calm).
He was quite sweet about it at first... and it was evident that he was on a mission! "The Mother in Law" was coming to visit in a few weeks and there had better not be any sign of a mouse when she arrived.
He is a smart boy!
Our family night would now become a Consumer Reports type quest on the best mouse catcher on the market.
After much deliberation in isle 12 at Walmart... none of which I was able to give any input on what might be the most humane way to dispose of a corpse vs. the easiest with the least smell vs the safest for the dogs vs the best way for me NOT to see a dead critter... because I was all but moved into the master closet on the far other end of the house on top of the rickety six foot ladder, far from where any traps might be set to catch the waskaly waskal. Avoiding the kitchen at all cost. And only entering said last sighting area of kitchen with loud clapping, stomping and or making as much noise as I could upon entry, with an occasional scream in my highest pitched girl tone from fear I MIGHT have seen something out of the corner of my eye. (my strong silent mysterious man HATES screaming girls... so this created a few arguments on top of the mach V tension in our house from the alleged intruder)... I digress....
after much deliberation he decided on "the sticky traps"
ewwwwww!
Much to my disapproval...
"So you mean they are still alive.
On the trap.
Screaming for their life when I come home for lunch????
What if they are big and walk off with the trap on their feet?"
Okay this was much more than I could handle emotionally... so I have spend the last weeks lunch breaks at work, while my strong silent mysterious man... aka "Elmer Fudd" comes home and checks the traps.
He has really been so good, he has been on trap watching duty overtime.
It is exhausting waiting to get out of bed until he checks the traps... then leaping from my bed to the bathroom 10 feet away in a single bound while still on the other side of the house from the kitchen.
And I have been living on clementine oranges because they are the quickest thing I can grab and run with out of the kitchen with my eyes shut, half squeeling with the biggest adrenaline rush EVER.
I am so dehydrated because I can't even bring myself to go into the kitchen for a drink when I want/need one.
Once I am spooked, I have learned I turn into that 6 year old little girl that was afraid of the dark, scary monsters and anything that might touch me.
I am sure I look like a freak in my own home, because my man tells me it's ridiculous. But hey, fear is fear, and it's real!!
I was so happy when he reported to have caught the mouse. Oh phew, I can return some sort of normal once my heart stops pounding.
But oh no... the nightmares returned when I asked him to get rid of all those creepy traps all over the kitchen and he said no I am leaving them out to make there are no more.
WHY WOULD THERE BE MORE??????
HOW DO YOU KNOW????
HOW DID WE GET THEM????
WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN OUR HOUSE????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was seriously considering selling and moving before the end of that conversation.
However, it is Thursday night and while there have been 3 corpses total, I am happy to report they were all caught before Wednesday, so there hasn't been a sighting for two days, and all the traps are empty. But my Strong Silent Mysterious Man is still in "Hunter Mode".
Needless to say, I barely cooked dinner before the intruders, now I am REALLY squimish in my kitchen. But my courage is beginning to return. No thanks I might add to my lazy no good dogs who I think also might be afraid of mice, because they go in the kitchen to eat and won't go back in there by themselves either.
So, there will be no almond roca Christmas candy this year, due to what we will fondly call the
"kitchen renovation".
Mom, I told you not to read it... if you did. I promise, it will all be back to normal by the time you get here!!
I promise!!!
1 comment:
I was laughing so hard while reading this! I can totally see you screaming and jumping around your house! We had one when I was pregnant with Madison. I was scaling the walls and walking on the counters! Travis named the dumb thing!! I am glad that there aren't any more. What about baby mice, tow of the 3 could have had babies!!!! I'm just saying!!!
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