Thursday, December 10, 2009

My heavy heart...

Since my strong silent mysterious man has been gone so much, our communication is short and sweet, usually crawling in and out of bed and most through shared prayers, or the last two nights over plugged pipes (another blog).
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He mentioned something in passing about his company getting rate quotes on health insurance again, and the agent called him for some medical background on my pacemaker.
I asked what he told him... I couldn't even imagine how he explained it; since he WASN'T THERE when I got it!!!
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Well he is my husband and I have briefed him about it over the years of course, but really did he know enough to explain it to an insurance company? He said he told them about my "faulty valvue"... we just stopped right there. I am pretty protective of my heart, and I have NO FAULTY VALVYES... then I got to thinking about how that statement might impact the companies rates!! Ahhhh!!!
My heart was so heavy!
I don't want to be a burden on them, or cost more money.
They had to know the truth!!
Surely an electrical problem 25 years ago, would not be as risky as a forever faulty valvue!!

So I called my Doctor to get the medial term for, because after 25 years, even I forgot the technical name for it. I just knew it was like an ELECTRICAL short... the SA Node sent the signal for the heart to pump the blood, and the AV Node either didn't receive it, or didn't send it out to the ventricals. So my heart wasn't pumping enough blood and I would pass out.
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I thought it would be good to have this in my journal. In case we ever had to tap into this knowledge later on.
It is officially called "Neurocardiogenic Syncope with an aggrevated Atrioventricular Block".
I got the word back to the agent, and he was going to correct it with the underwriters.
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My heart is still just really heavy.
I have never felt like an outcast, or a reject.
My Doctors were great about telling me I could live a normal life, and since I was 19 I was determined to prove just that.
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But this morning I felt like I had to prove myself to some complete stranger... actually 3 of them, by the time I got off the phone. I felt like I was in a totally different catagory from everyone else for the 1st time in my life. That just stinks! One guy said to me, "we will see, I don't know if that will change anything or not?"
(Of course it will!! Is what I felt of the inside... but hung up really not knowing what they will determine. It makes me so sad and really heavy hearted.)
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I think this time of year magnifies any insecurities people feel. I think we have to be careful not to be offended. Not to let lonliness, or sadness, or problems increase through our perspective or lack of. And not to judge people, but have compassion, as we don't know what they might harbor in their hearts. Especially this season.

2 comments:

Lindsey said...

I know how you feel... it sucked having to tell all the underwriters about my medical condition only to have my rate increase everytime. But you have to be honest.

Anonymous said...

I know my pep talks aren't exactly the most comforting at times but as you know I have had the exact same condition for almost as long so here goes. You have been and always will be unique as we all are! God made us how he made us and in his plan there is a reason for all that we are. Thank You Lord for making me how you need me to be! I spent about ten seconds thinking this pacemaker was going to limit me and regularly thumb my nose at things like airport metal detectors and proceed as if it isnt there. Of course after 9/11/01 It does require me to be at the airport earlier because they now require a near strip search to prove what the Beep is caused by but again with the thumbing of the nose, lol. As for insurance, you are not the only person that has a conditon that the insurance company will identify as a risk in order to up the rate which they are going to do anyway. Best thing is it isnt a single rate but a group rate so the cost is spread around but think of all Jim does for them and the cost in family time like ulclogging drains and in the scope of it all, Its worth every penny to the company. Your pacemaker has allowed you to be here and grow and become the person who does all that you do for others. God's plan works and through you, pacemaker and all, he has shown just how great he is! I Love You Sis!!

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