The Pack, and trials that strengthen me/us...

We went to support my strong silent mysterious man at his 1st pack meeting in his new calling last night.

He welcomed a cub over into scouting as he earned his arrow of light. That is one of my favorite ceremonies! The teenager still has his cool arrow hanging in his room... one of the few things he kept out from his cub days. It is so symbolic!

.

It was kind of fun to re-visit our cub scouts days of the teenager, we had so many fond memories. And during the time I was a single Mom sooooo many really great people helped him along his scouting path. Wow! What blessings to reflect back on; that warmed my heart. It was a good warming because after getting the mail today and finding out the teenager was struggling terribly this past quarter in school and I had no idea.... I felt pulled in many directions inside.

.

So many emotions, first I wanted to throttle him, next I was confused why we get hit at the end when it's too late to do anything about it, and why it was such a surprise? And then I am flooded with guilt, that I wasn't being a good parent, that I didn't know, that I didn't teach him well enough to know how to ask for help, or turn to us when he was struggling, instead hiding it, being deceitful all quarter, doing everything to make us think everything was going along just fine.

.

Then all night I couldn't sleep, trying to figure out what went wrong, how could I do better. What was this a sign of... just lazy bones, or something worse, something more serious?

.

Parenting is the very hardest job I have ever done. The one I feel least qualified for. The one that requires me to stretch the most, and educate myself to achieve higher levels. It is not easy, but I am so proud of my teenager. When I was reflecting at pack meeting, he really has come so far, he has overcome many challenges and trials, and he is becoming a wonderful man. I am so grateful God in trusted me with this job of being his parent. Some days I wish we could go back to the cub days when he was small... and other days, I am grateful for these challenges to help me/us grow.