Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The "Shrine"...

One day this past week, I was getting ready for work and was in my bedroom and looked down and saw Jacob's big ol' green basketball shoes near my feet.  Almost in the way to trip over them.  Something I would do on a regular basis when he was at home... trip over his shoes.  He would take them off in the strangest places and just leave them laying there in the middle of the way so an unsuspecting Mom would trip over them and put them away (I was certain that was his game plan, ha ha).

As I looked down at them, a wave came over me and it was like he had just been there, in my bedroom, kicking them off his feet.  I could almost feel him towering over me... of course I cried!
Even though in my mind I knew it was my strong silent mysterious man who had tried them on to see if he could wear them to play basketball that week.

But it also made me realize as I struggled to pull it together to finish getting ready for work, that I had some how turned a corner.
I had not cried like that for a little while about missing him.
At first it was everyday, more than once a day.
But I had to even think back when I had felt that achiness inside.
While I think of him everyday, not a day goes by that I don't think of him many many times a day! 
I was not doing the ugly cry every day anymore... sigh, I really thought in the beginning, that day would never come.

I have however, still been finding ways to add to "the shrine" as he called it... 

Before he left we had put up a clock with the time in Paraguay, and a photo of him and the Temple in Asuncion.

Later I added the blocks, counting down the Sundays until he comes home.  It has been fun every week to turn them over and feel the amazement of how long or how short each week goes.
And we had the maps of Paraguay up... I knew I wanted to keep track of the areas he was serving in.
It has really helped to see where he is and how far he travels at times to zone conferences or for exchanges.

But Mom brought with her the "gone fishin" sign... it was Jacob's idea when he was looking to find a favorite scripture to be his theme for his mission.

He really liked Matthew 4:19 and suggested I just put that with a "gone fishing" sign over his picture for his shrine.
Even though that was not what he ended up choosing for his scripture.  
So Kathy in SC found it and well, I put it up on paper until I can get it printed somewhere in vinyl.
 Just for him :)

 So while "the shrine" grows, and it looks like I DON'T have a life.
And I spend all my time doting and missing my missionary.
I really do, I have turned a small little corner and I have a very good life.  And I feel very supportive from a far for my son who LIVES in Paraguay.   That sounds so weird.
I do miss my missionary so much.
But we are loving his letters and love growing through his experiences as we watch him grow.
I really especially LOVE the photos!  
I can't get enough photos!!


McDowell Family said...

I can't think of a day that we all don't think of Jacob. He has been such a great example to all of us. I love reading all your blog posts, I laugh, I cry, and can hear your voice while reading them. It's good to hear you are feeling better.

heidi said...

I love the 'gone fishin'!! So glad to see that you have rounded a corner. I knew you could do it!!

amberchristinesnow said...

I love reading your blogs...they are very real and uplifting. I am so glad you and I have paths that cross! You help me be a better person.

Sorenson family trio said...

I love all the things you have up to represent Jacob's mission. I recently looked through the books Bryan's Mom kept on Bryan's mission and felt so thankful. I love looking at the pictures and letter that were kept. I am sure that some day Jacob's future wife and family will appreciate all the things you saved to remember his mission. You are such a GREAT MOM!!!

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